the kentucky gent, mens fashion blog, levis denim vest, gay bloggers, hm mens denim

Last night I had a bit of a realization, after yet another failed attempt at a first date, and I quote “Haha your a great guy. I don’t think are chemistry was right but it was still great to meet you”. 

The typos/misspelling (from the get) should have been my first warning sign that this wasn’t a match made in heaven, but I like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I decided to throw caution out the window and dive in head first, yet again. 

And yet again, I was met with a familiar text shortly after we parted ways. In full disclosure I didn’t feel the chemistry either, and I was 100% okay with not seeing him again until he voiced the same opinion. 

I mean, I knew he felt that way. The vacant stares paired with him asking me questions about things I had just answered kind of clued me in on that, but as long as the decision was in my court I was down with it. Once he took control of the situation – not so much. 

Which made me realize something. I wasn’t heartbroken over the situation. We were as complete opposites as opposites could be, and he’s still coming to terms with his sexuality whereas I’ve been out for over 12 years (HOLY FUCK) – we weren’t compatible. He was great on paper and on the eyes but not in reality. 

I wasn’t heartbroken at all really, but I did want to know what I did wrong. I wanted to know what I could do to make it better for the next guy I take out to dinner. I wanted to ask a million and one questions, find out how to fix the situation, and then bow out gracefully. But I knew I couldn’t do any of that because I’d be that crazy guy, that I kind of already am. 

Now I know I didn’t do anything wrong, and nothing is wrong with me, inherently. I’m a rare breed. I’m outspoken, unapologetic, and perhaps too comfortable in my own skin. I don’t feign interest for the sake of making someone feel wanted, and I’m completely okay with sitting in complete silence, even on a first date. I’ve not always loved those qualities about myself, but over the years I’ve learned to love all the different facets that make me who I am. 

What I don’t love however is that my creative small business owner brain has a hard time separating personal life from work life – especially because of the nature of my business. I don’t like to be out of control. I don’t like to give the reigns to someone else. That’s why I was okay with the decision to not see this guy again, until he made that decision for me. 

It’s the blessing and the curse of being a small business owner. We have a hard time not having tunnel vision. We’re calculated. Like my friend Anna put it, “We’re thinking about how to optimally use time and energy and resources.” even when it comes to dating – perhaps subconsciously, but apparent none the less.

We want to know what went wrong so that we can learn, grow, and move on from it. Think about it. If we could have transparent conversations with all our bad dates (as much as it would suck in the moment) we’d learn so much about how to be a better first date. I’m in no way saying we shouldn’t be our genuine selves, but everything should be viewed as a chance to learn something about ourselves, good or bad. 

There’s no real point to today’s post besides me getting all of the heaviness out of my head and out into the universe, but also to say that just because you’re (un)lucky enough to have a slue of bad dates doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with YOU or the person you went on a bad date with. Never sacrifice who you are for another person, no matter how good looking they are.

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  1. Really wise words Josh! Sometimes I think. People are intimidated by a person that is so self-assured and comfortable in their own skin. Never settle for what you aren’t comfortable with. You look fabulous in these photos, and a huge hug for your awesome self, from me!

    1. Mara, thank you, as always, for all the kind words. I always look forward to your comments on my posts! I couldn’t agree more. Confidence can be off putting to folks that aren’t so sure of their walk in life, sad, but true.

  2. I wish we lived closer to each other so we could grab drinks and chat about our horrendous dates, haha. I agree with you on the small biz owner front, it’s so hard to not have tunnel vision but hey, at least you’re totally killing it on the career front and don’t have to depend on anyone to make you happy!

    xo, Alicia | Alicia Tenise

    1. Girl, you and me both. Sounds like I need to make a trip to DC so we can catch up/vent. And thank you – I definitely love that about myself, but it can be a bit lonely at times, you know how it goes.

  3. This. I don’t know why I have never thought of it this way but you’re so right!! It definitely is in our small business owner brains. I HATE not having a solution to something and that’s probably why the never hear back from the guy situations drive me craaazyyyy! Even if I don’t care! Ugh! But this was perfect! Love!


    1. Right?! I don’t know why I never realized it either, until last night. Like we were both bored on the date, it was obvious, but I still wanted to know why. I realized it whenever I literally asked him something along the lines of “What did you think worked?” haha. It reminded me of something I’d say to a client or a PR firm if something didn’t go as planned. XXXO.

  4. Yes! This speaks to me so much, especially when you said, “Never sacrifice who you are for another person, no matter how good looking they are.” I have just went through something horrible with someone I have known for ten years. I go back time after time because I love the guy, but he has been horrible to me before. It’s so difficult. That’s just me oversharing, but this dating life is so hard. I totally understand. As for the small business brain, that is something I cannot comprehend because I have never been in that situation, but I am sure that’s just as difficult as well. But seriously, this dating life though… I cannot stand it!

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